It's been awhile.
It was quiet, then all of a sudden things were happening. Now, I'm going on a trip!
A friend of mine lives in Amsterdam and was nice enough to ask me over for a visit. At first, I dismissed the idea, but Marcus prompted me to consider it seriously. After some deliberation, I realized that I wasn't committed to a job, I had money saved up for nothing in particular--so, what was my excuse, really?
I didn't have one except for the fact that I'd been in my comfort zone too long and was terrified to make it happen. I wasn't going to, honestly. I don't remember what exactly changed my mind. All I know is that later in the week, I was sitting in front of the airline's webpage staring at the tickets I'd looked up...and then I bought them.
In that moment, I suppose it became officially decided, because tickets are generally not refundable. I really hate to admit that I've become the kind of person who's afraid to do things like this, because it conflicts with my innate desire to move around and see the world. As a child, we moved so much with the military that I was very much of the "we have to be in what country by next month? No problem, I've got a bag packed already" mentality. As an adult, I've gotten into the cycle of staying in one place a little bit too long. These things happen. I know this kind of adventure will remind me who I actually want to be--even if that involves losing control of every single detail all the time!
Once I got over the initial shock that I'd just bought a one-way ticket, I snapped out of it pretty quickly and got to work planning my other plane and train rides, hostels and places to visit. I now have a pretty solid outline of where I'm supposed to be and when. Other than that, I'm trying not to worry too much about it--which goes directly against my nature, because I'm a horrendously anxious person.
It's difficult. That need for total control and understanding of a situation is like an anchor that's held me back from taking a lot of risks. I've known for awhile that I'm going to have to choose between the life I want and some of the deeply-rooted, less desirable personality traits I have. Nothing happens overnight, but I've made my decision.
And since then, I've had a blast getting my trip ready. I'm almost all set to go, though I really should find some books to bring on the plane. Last time I traveled between Arizona and Ohio without any reading material (I blew through Sky Mall in all of three minutes) and nearly lost my mind--and that was only a five or six hour flight! A trip to the bookstore might be in my future while Marcus goes to his gaming tournament today...
Anyway, I'm spending the weekend running last-minute errands, and from there, it's out of my hands. For anyone who happened upon this page, I can't wait to share the upcoming details with you! I feel like I have so much time and also none at all between now and Monday.
