baking and coping

It's been a very long couple of days.

Last night, I was in the middle of cooking dinner while my mom was on the phone. We were having gyros, and I was just browning the rest of the meat in the pan. My mom was on the phone with my grandmother, who we'd dropped off at the hospital a bit earlier for what everyone assumed to be kidney stones. I wasn't really paying attention until I heard my mom's tone change. She waved me over and started writing in the notebook she was using for schoolwork. I suddenly got the strangest feeling and really didn't want to see what she was trying to tell me. I think in a really odd way I probably knew, so I finally just looked down.

"She has pancreatic cancer."

Since then, everything has felt sort of like a dream. Both of my brothers reacted very strongly when we told them. I was the one who called Jack up at college, since my mom had her hands full telling everyone else. I just listened while he started crying and answered his questions in the best way I could at the time. I'm wondering why I didn't really feel anything aside from a very brief sense of dread. I think I decided not to accept it, then I just went back to cooking dinner. 

That's just what I've been doing ever since. Cooking might actually be all I'm good for in a time of crisis. 

I feel very tired. I don't know why. I haven't really done anything to be tired from. 

Today, we were given a little bit more information. It looks like stage four, but the doctor thinks there could be success with treatment. My grandmother sounds really good, and I'm going to be seeing her tomorrow night. Actually, it was sort of funny, because I've been practicing baking new things lately, and before she left for the hospital she hadn't gotten to eat anything. When I told her about what I was making, she complained that she'd be missing out but to save some for her. Unfortunately, because she ended up staying longer than we thought she would, she didn't get to try any of the food. Last night, I tried making donuts for the first time with considerable success. My mom saved one and brought it to my grandma at the hospital where she works this morning. Later, I got a message from my grandma with a picture of her happily eating the donut. Apparently, she wasn't supposed to eat it and some of the tests they were supposed to do got delayed as a result, but she was completely pleased with herself about it and said she didn't regret it at all. 

That's basically my grandmother in a nutshell. 

I love her very much and I'm not ready to lose her just yet, so we're all going to fight this together. 

And we'll fuel her efforts with plenty of these. I guess she actually really enjoys donuts. I had no idea, because I've never seen her eat one. 

These turned out really nice the second time around. The secret is cake flour, which I was surprised about. I had always heard that you could use all-purpose for anything and that "specialized" flour was a way of making more money off the same product. Actually, I would never go back to all-purpose for donuts. I'm actually thinking of trying some of my other recipes, like those scones, with cake flour to see if it makes a difference. This batch was so springy and fluffy, I couldn't wait to tell someone about it.

Now, grandma can have some of the good cake-flour donuts, since they should be all finished with her tests by the time we go visit. I think she'll enjoy them much more than the ones from yesterday, which were made of white and whole wheat flour. They tasted fine, but the consistency was way too dense for them to feel like real donuts. Cake flour is where it's at, you guys.

I think this is my way of coping. It's not conventional, but at least it's sort of cheering everyone up since there's always food around. We'll see what happens next. I'm hoping very badly for some good news in the next few days.

I want my grandmother around to eat donuts and scones with me for awhile longer. That's not too much to ask, I don't think.

{ saturday: baking scones! }

One of my favorite things to do in the mornings--on weekends especially--is bake special treats for everyone to wake up to. I've been thinking it would be fun to try sharing some of my most-loved recipes with all of you, because who wouldn't want to try making scones at least once? I don't have the cutest vintage kitchen with matching accessories like some of my favorite bloggers (yet!) but I still thought pictures might be fun and help illustrate the process for those of you who might not be too familiar with baking just yet!

I have to go ahead and credit this recipe for what I'm writing about today--it really lives up to its name. It's an excellent base, and you can adapt it literally any way you want to. I would pay special attention to the reviews, because I did find that reducing the amount of butter and baking powder yields a more favorable result. However, it's entirely up to you, which is why this is one of my most-used recipes.

The original uses currants (which sound delicious, but I've never actually seen any around here...) but so far I've tried blueberry, raspberry, chocolate chip, multi-berry lemon, and now, as of today, blueberry chocolate chip! I'm sure there's a whole other realm of savory scones I have yet to try, but that's for another day.

Scones can seem kind of daunting. Marcus and I used to go to this bakery in Flagstaff every Sunday for these huge ones that we had to split with a glass of milk. I always wanted to try making them, but they seemed to easy to mess up.

Not the case!

I went ahead and outlined the basics of how these scones are made, but for exact measurements, visit the instructions I linked above--I wouldn't want to steal all the attention away from the original author who was generous enough to share such a successful recipe!

You need basic ingredients for this:

• Flour - I haven't tried anything so far except basic white all-purpose, but I'm really curious to experiment with wheat or coconut flour.
• Sugar - what's really nice is that you don't use a whole lot, but you still get just the right amount of sweetness!
• Butter - the recipe calls for five tablespoons, but I've always scaled back to three and they're still pretty decadent.
• Baking powder - again, I'd consider using a teaspoon less than the recipe calls for.
• Salt - pretty standard for baking.
• Milk and sour cream - I actually always use plain fat-free yogurt in place of the sour cream, and it works wonderfully.
• Any berries, chocolate chips, or other such toppings you desire! 
• There's also an optional egg wash that includes one egg and a little milk. The idea is that you dust it over the scones before baking. However, I've tried it with and without this, and don't notice much of a difference either way. Up to you!

Here we go! A brief demonstration, because who doesn't like pictures?

Sift the dry ingredients into a bowl together: flour, sugar, salt, and baking powder. Make sure they're mixed well!

My personal favorite part: adding the butter! It seems to work best if you place your block of butter in the freezer, then grate it into the dry ingredients. It's really fun, and it looks really cool. Am I the only one who loves the color of butter?

Throw in your toppings. The recipe calls for something like 1/2 cup of currants, but I always end up adding more. Today I used blueberries and chocolate chips, and I think I might have just skipped measuring! ;)

Mix everything thoroughly. It's important to distribute the butter evenly so that every scone achieves maximum fluffiness!

Combine the yogurt and milk in a separate bowl. I like to whisk them, because it gives me an excuse to use mine. (Not a whole lot of recipes seem to require whisking anymore, which is really too bad...)

Pour the wet ingredients into your dry ones all at once, and mix them well. The recipe cautions against over-working the dough. So far, that's been avoided on my end, but I'm always a little nervous about either over-mixing them or risking leaving chunks of flour just sitting there. Eventually it'll all combine into one huge ball--and a lot of my berries exploded, turning the dough blue in some places!

Pull the dough apart and shape them into little balls on a baking sheet--I try to make them vaguely triangular, but you'll see that they never really turn out that way. It's best to let them rest for about 10 minutes to let the baking powder activate--I use that time to wash my dishes! Afterward, place those babies into the 400-degree oven!

After about ten to twelve minutes, they should be about done, but I know it depends on the oven. When they stop being squishy and start getting golden brown on top, you know it's almost time to enjoy them!

My household in particular enjoys them plain with lots of milk, but you can also serve with clotted cream (never seen that before, either, but it sounds delicious) and jam. My brother tried it with the jam once and decided it was only so-so.

There you have it! Scones are actually really easy and don't take very long at all. Chances are you'll try making them and immediately want to whip up another batch with other toppings. I know I'm looking forward to fall so that I can do pumpkin or cranberry! 

Let me know if you try this great recipe, and tell me how it turns out! What kind of fillings did you use? 

-Katie