currently

It's been a fair bit, and I've seen these "currently" posts floating around on a few blogs I really enjoy. I thought it might be a nice way to get back into things, and the prompts are neat. I actually have a lot of fun reading these when other people write them.

All right, I'm currently:

watching:
Marcus and I have been really into the Legend of Korra lately--and don't say it, we're late to that party. I know. Sometimes I prefer that because it means we get to watch all of the episodes at once instead of having to wait. It starts off that way, anyway, but we always end up caught up and anticipating more like the rest of the world. We thought we were so clever starting Orange is the New Black and House of Cards a season late...

reading:I just finished The Paris Wife, which was actually quite the emotional roller coaster. For those of you who haven't read it, it's a historical fiction detailing life from the perspective of Ernest Hemingway's first wife, Hadley. It takes place during a time period that interests me, and I really enjoyed the small details--particularly about what everyone was wearing and eating. The slang terms were sort of wild, too. Part of me feels like I can't be very artistic, because there were a few moments throughout the book where characters were sort of waxing poetic and deep and their meanings were a bit lost on me. Luckily, I related to Hadley in that way, because she occasionally mentioned not really following Ernest when he describes what's going on in his mind. Anyway, if you know a little bit about Hemingway, you're aware that he was married several times and that this story ultimately does not end well! Still, it's a very good read and I'd recommend it for anyone who's interested in him.
I'd also really like to get my hands on Tulip Fever and Bitter Greens soon!

listening:I'm really behind the times on popular media, apparently. I just heard "All About That Bass" all the way through for the first time today and it's surprisingly catchy. I understand it's probably overplayed on the radio, but for now I just think it's cute. Marcus requested it as he was trying to take a nap earlier--rather, he asked for relaxing music and specified "you know, that one where she's all about the bass but not the treble and everyone likes a little more booty". Well, there you have it.

making:
Scarves. Like, an assload of scarves. Dee was nice enough to teach me long-distance crocheting and I got the hang of it sometime last week. I've since finished three scarves, one of which was themed in the colors of the Khador army Marcus plays. He keeps it over his chair at all times now and apparently can't wait for winter, which makes me feel nice. I want to learn to stripe soon and work my way up to more complicated patterns, blankets, hats and stuffed animals.
Also, I've been baking quite a bit. Marcus's family is big on sweets, but nobody really likes to make them. Over the last few weeks, they've all requested an array of autumn desserts. So far, the lineup has included regular brownies, turtle brownies, pumpkin bread pudding, pumpkin cheesecake bars, pumpkin pear spice cake, chocolate chip pumpkin cookies and snickerdoodles. My god.

feeling:
Generally hopeful. I think things have the potential to be looking up. If I'm being honest, I've hit a definite low point lately in terms of health and depression. It's all right, though. Sometimes your vices win the battle, but they don't necessarily have to win the war. I sincerely hope I have more concrete advances on my front to share with you soon!

planning:
See above--I don't want to overstep and share too much too soon, but if my tentative plans work out, I look forward to some positive changes soon. Also, Marcus and I are still trying to plan Halloween costumes. So far, it's looking like Tina and Jimmy Jr. from Bob's Burgers may be the top contenders, but I also tend to gravitate towards the more "traditional" ideas--I was a witch three years in a row once, and I'd be one again!

loving:
The interest in my hobbies slowly returning to me is immensely wonderful. This is my first blog post in forever, and I really want to keep working on it. I've been taking pictures of my outfits for fun lately (with my phone and always in the same spot in my bedroom--I'm sure eventually I'll work back up to getting more creative with that!) and I'm planning on participating in the novel-writing month of November. Crocheting has been so exciting to learn, and I find myself wanting to learn more and practice whenever I can. I hope soon that a renewed interest in languages and history follows, and I really want my writing back for more than just a little bit. Right now, I can see it all on the horizon, and that's more than I've been able to say for a long time. I'm feeling good about it!

to amsterdam or bust

It's been awhile.
It was quiet, then all of a sudden things were happening. Now, I'm going on a trip!

A friend of mine lives in Amsterdam and was nice enough to ask me over for a visit. At first, I dismissed the idea, but Marcus prompted me to consider it seriously. After some deliberation, I realized that I wasn't committed to a job, I had money saved up for nothing in particular--so, what was my excuse, really?

I didn't have one except for the fact that I'd been in my comfort zone too long and was terrified to make it happen. I wasn't going to, honestly. I don't remember what exactly changed my mind. All I know is that later in the week, I was sitting in front of the airline's webpage staring at the tickets I'd looked up...and then I bought them.

In that moment, I suppose it became officially decided, because tickets are generally not refundable. I really hate to admit that I've become the kind of person who's afraid to do things like this, because it conflicts with my innate desire to move around and see the world. As a child, we moved so much with the military that I was very much of the "we have to be in what country by next month? No problem, I've got a bag packed already" mentality. As an adult, I've gotten into the cycle of staying in one place a little bit too long. These things happen. I know this kind of adventure will remind me who I actually want to be--even if that involves losing control of every single detail all the time!

Once I got over the initial shock that I'd just bought a one-way ticket, I snapped out of it pretty quickly and got to work planning my other plane and train rides, hostels and places to visit. I now have a pretty solid outline of where I'm supposed to be and when. Other than that, I'm trying not to worry too much about it--which goes directly against my nature, because I'm a horrendously anxious person.

It's difficult. That need for total control and understanding of a situation is like an anchor that's held me back from taking a lot of risks. I've known for awhile that I'm going to have to choose between the life I want and some of the deeply-rooted, less desirable personality traits I have. Nothing happens overnight, but I've made my decision.

And since then, I've had a blast getting my trip ready. I'm almost all set to go, though I really should find some books to bring on the plane. Last time I traveled between Arizona and Ohio without any reading material (I blew through Sky Mall in all of three minutes) and nearly lost my mind--and that was only a five or six hour flight! A trip to the bookstore might be in my future while Marcus goes to his gaming tournament today...

Anyway, I'm spending the weekend running last-minute errands, and from there, it's out of my hands. For anyone who happened upon this page, I can't wait to share the upcoming details with you! I feel like I have so much time and also none at all between now and Monday.

afternoons in the city and a new skirt

A few weeks ago, I went to Capitol Hill with Marcus's mom to check out a few cute shops I'd heard about. One of them, Pretty Parlor, had been on my to-do list for quite some time because it had come to my attention that they hung petticoats off the ceiling. While we were there, I had a blast trying on all kinds of beautiful things that I'd never thought I'd find in person anywhere--one such item was a gorgeous skirt in a colorful print. There was only one size left, and even though I sort of knew it wasn't mine, I had to try it on anyway and hope it ran small. (It didn't.) Still, I couldn't get over the pattern and made a note of the brand so I could search for it later. When I started hunting for it online, I came up short. Before I gave up completely, I decided to check out the designer, Jamie von Stratton, on her  webpage to see if she had any other stores that she sold to listed--or even her own shop to buy from! While I didn't find anything like that, I did come across her contact page, so I figured "why not?" and shot her a quick email describing the skirt and asking if that print was sold anywhere else.

She responded the next morning and said that, yes, she recognized the skirt I was referring to but no, it wasn't sold anywhere else. However, she did inform me that she had just enough left to make maybe one more and asked my measurements. I sent them back to her, and a week later, she contacted me to say my special, just-for-me skirt was ready!

Today, Marcus agreed to take me down to the city after lunch to go get it. Before I say anything else, even though he doesn't read this, doing this for me was a serious gesture him and greatly appreciated. Cities, especially narrower ones like Seattle, have a claustrophobic effect on him and he tends to avoid them. As someone who has my share of phobias, both rational and not, I generally try to respect his aversion to that area. He insisted that it was fine, though, so I helped him navigate and off we went!

The residential area we were in was beautiful, and we got there early so we walked around for a little bit (he actually loved that staircase up there and asked if he could try taking a picture of me on it!) before going to pick up my skirt.

The building was amazing--I'm pretty sure it was an old hotel at one point. Marcus wasn't a fan of the dark staircases and hallways, which, admittedly, did sort of lend a horror-movie vibe to the place. When we got to the door, though, it was like a whole different world. The apartment was set up to be sort of a sewing studio, so the entire living room was covered in gorgeous fabrics, racks full of clothes and a ton of giant hats. The open window had this perfect view of the entire bay, which brightened the entire room immensely. I'll be honest--I'd live there! Jamie was incredibly nice. She let me try on my skirt in the bathroom and checked to make sure it was the right fit. She'd asked me how tall I was beforehand, so she'd even gone to the trouble of making it proportionate to my height...no tailoring for me on this one! I was elated and thanked her profusely. She was sweet and chatted with us for a few minutes about things to do in the area, gave us a few shopping suggestions and sent us on our way.

Marcus was nice enough to offer to go shopping for a little bit while we were in the area even though I know it's pretty boring for him--we visited a new Goodwill that Jamie had pointed us to, I bought us both some coffee, then we hit up Pretty Parlor one more time. It was a great day, and I think Marcus really hit it off with Vincent, Pretty Parlor's resident cat.

(This picture was priceless--he was posing with his drink and putting his pinkie in the air, but I waited until he looked away to get this one. When I showed it to him, he started laughing and said he liked that I included the massive dresses in the background. Ahh, he's a good sport.) 

I can't wait to wear this skirt everywhere. Seriously, I think it matches with just about every color. Also, I would highly recommend checking out Jamie von Stratton's website--she does a lot of pretty cool stuff! I couldn't have been happier with this whole experience.

The takeaway from this one: if you like something, don't be afraid to speak up and ask about it--the worst that happens is you get a no or don't hear back--and in my case, I happened to become the owner of the prettiest skirt I've ever seen!

sara

I've been feeling this heaviness in my heart lately. It generally comes when I'm missing something I know I'll never really have in the same way again. It's almost impossible to articulate, but this is important. I'm going to do my best.

At a first glance, I could see how that might look like some bedroom--small, lacking in a definitive color scheme, obviously shared. I had no idea at the time that I would come to miss this little room so, so much.

When I first moved into my freshman dorm, I shared it with someone who was sort of mismatched to me. She ended up moving out midyear, leaving me with an unheard-of half a semester with a room entirely to myself. The RA explained that they'd pick a new roommate for me, which didn't appeal at all given that the first one hadn't worked out very well. When this was taking place, I was in the middle of a fight with my friend, Sara. As I recall, it was over a boy, but all I really know for sure is that we were on the kind of terms where you pretend not to notice each other at social gatherings. Remember, we were in the middle of not speaking to each other, because it's important.

I found out that I essentially had until December to choose my own roommate. Promptly, I texted Sara and asked her to meet up with me. This was years ago, so I haven't got direct quotes handy, but the conversation essentially went something like this:

Me: I know we're fighting, but I need you to come and live with me so I don't end up with someone I spend all my time fighting with.
Sara: Sound logic. Let's do it.

We signed her over to my room and I helped her cart all her things from the second floor up to the fourth. The decor significantly improved and my life changed forever.

I like to describe all of my best and most worthwhile relationships as the kind where we're on opposite extremes and gradually meet in the middle. When I met Sara, I was overwhelmed by her louder demeanor and take-charge attitude. She was equally underwhelmed with my comfortable status in life as a people-pleasing doormat. During our time together, she taught me how to assert myself more, which came into play immensely when I found myself in a compromising position with abuse. I don't know what I taught her, but I can only guess it was a few obscure new vocabulary words and maybe some appreciation for Spanish music. Jesus, writing this is making me miss her so badly, because she was easily one of the best influences in my life. I think of our time together as these brief flashes of wonderful feelings. I'll let you on in something that might sound strange--I suffer from anxiety. It's gotten better over time, but when I really can't shake it, I think about some of these things to calm myself down. For example...

We used to rearrange our rooms together for fun, and one of our "just-for-us" hobbies was browsing the bargain aisles of home decor stores to find crazy new additions for our walls and desks. None of our bedding ever matched--actually, our sophomore year, that was sort of the point. We both bought the loudest, most colorful things we could, including plastic pink flamingos and cardboard models of Big Ben and the Eiffel Tower and just had a blast with it. To this day, I remember some of those wild posters she used to hang up. I have no idea where she got half of those.

Oh, and quiet afternoons. We'd pop the window open to enjoy the light and breeze. Half the time, we weren't even directly interacting--the TV would be on a Disney movie or something, and I'd be laying on my bed enjoying her company while she asked me questions about whatever was on her mind.

She used to talk to me at night, too. It's like she had some sixth sense for when I was right about to fall asleep. My eyes would close and then--"hey, Katie, did you ever think about what it'd be like if you had to live underwater? Do you think it'd really be that different from living on land?" The most arbitrary questions would come out of her mouth, but I truly never minded. Having someone to talk to was the greatest.

She hated that haircut on me, by the way. She told me in a Dillard's once that it looked like a pumpkin and the saleslady got kind of offended for me. Sara maintained that her feelings remained unchanged. (It was a really bad time in my life for hair, to be fair.) I could always count on her honesty, which, while it wasn't always what I immediately wanted to hear, usually ended up being good in the long run.

Don't get me wrong, we went through some painfully rough times. They just never lasted, and I guess in some way I knew they wouldn't, so they never worried me too badly. It's never fun to fight with people, but there was never this feeling like we'd ever end up wandering too far from each other. There was one other point in time where we went a bit without speaking. She showed up at my friend's New Year's party with my favorite Starbucks drink and we spent the rest of the night upstairs by ourselves talking like nothing had happened. She was always more important than the few problems we had, I guess, which I haven't been able to say about that many people. That same night, she followed me to my car to make sure the boy who was trying to talk to me knew she didn't like him one single bit.

That's the best, too--she saw me through some seriously fucking story-worthy relationships and she kept me from getting completely demolished by them. I do believe she would have been a formidable force had any of these people attempted to do any real lasting damage. She had my back, for lack of better word. If she didn't like someone, I heard about it. If I was making the wrong decision (spoiler alert: young Katie did this all the time), I heard about it whether or not it made me happy. Her honesty is something I valued, because I didn't have a lot of it in my life at the time. We've both outlived all of each others' college relationships but two--our current ones. I maintain that I wouldn't even be in this one if not for her teaching me to value myself and communicate better.

 What else? Oh, my style changed because of her. She used to make faces at my clothes and ask why I always bought them a size big. It's because I was self-conscious, which I tried to explain, but she wasn't really having it. She was sort of ahead of our time in terms of body confidence, and I think she did her best to snap me into it. By sophomore year's end, she had me wearing clothing in the correct size and trying out skirts for the first time in my life. Anyone who knows me now knows that I don't leave the house in pants unless I'm absolutely out of other options. I can thank Sara for that, because now I think I own exactly two pairs.

We took my first out-of-state drive to Disneyland together and had the time of our lives on spring break. Our shared enthusiasm for the entire enterprise made it an experience I'll never forget. (We met so many characters, you guys.)

Almost everything I enjoy now is sort of tinged with shades of people I hold close to me. Everything from Starbucks drinks to leopard prints to the phrase "to be fair" makes me think of Sara at least a little bit, which is hard when we're states apart. To my knowledge, she's pretty happy and doing well, and we talk as often as we can. It's not the same, though--it won't ever be like living together in Flagstaff again. Most days, I can accept it. Other days, it sits deep inside my soul and refuses to move. I miss my friend. I credit her for a lot of positive changes in my life, and sometimes I wish I could have those moments back for just a little bit.

Sara: for all of the mishaps with hair dye, brutal honesty, matching yellow dresses, garish pink flamingos, Disney movies, milkshakes, magazines, arguments, shared anthropology courses and days in the printing room, thank you. These periods of time where I'm missing a piece of myself are good, because it means you were so important to me that I notice when you're gone. I wouldn't feel this sad if I hadn't been truly happy.

That, I think, is how I make peace with it. Tonight, I miss that little room. I probably always will. It won't ever be my home again, but thankfully, I kept the most important thing in it. As long as I can call Sara my best friend, I think I can live with the missing.

adventures in food

Everyone has their own special criteria for what makes an ideal partner. In my case, you really do have to be adventurous with food. When I first started dating Marcus, he was the exact opposite of that, which made for an interesting conversation considering I'm usually pretty reserved. As I recall, it went along the lines of:

Marcus: I'm pretty picky about what I eat. Just...you know, so you don't get your feelings hurt when you cook dinner. It's not anything personal.
Me: I...what?
Marcus: There are only a few things I like to eat. I'm probably not really--well, what is it you're making again?
Me: I have a special pork chop recipe with white wine and Dijon mustard. It's fun!
Marcus: Yeah, I'm gonna probably just want you to leave a couple of pork chops plain for me. That doesn't sound very good.
Me: ...but how can you say that if you've never tried it?
Marcus: Look, I know I'm just not going to like it. It sounds weird.
Me: Oh my god, this is never going to work between us.

When I brought the dish out, he very grudgingly tried a tiny bite with the mustard sauce--and then promptly ate the rest of the entire pan. Following that, he requested the same meal at least three more times that month (and still does to this day!).

Over the course of our relationship, I've tried to encourage Marcus to try eating new things. My deal is, I don't believe in forcing food on anyone who doesn't like it (including kids!). I do generally request that you try at least a bite of the aforementioned food before declaring you don't like it, though. When I first dragged him to my favorite curry restaurant in Flagstaff, he made me promise that we could go get something else for dinner later if he didn't end up enjoying it. Not only did he find it delicious, he is now so obsessed with Indian food that within our first week of moving here he insisted we go exploring to find our new "place". He doesn't typically to go too long without a reliable supply of his tikka masala, you see.

Lately, he's been the one who's been more vocal about craving food-related adventures--which is great! Today he requested that we try a new Vietnamese place we've seen around one of the outdoor malls, so we took a little drive over together and had some lunch. He tried a sweet curry, I got a lemongrass chicken banh mi, and we both shared my yam fries. We've decided that the place is definitely worth going back to--next time, we're trying the pho soup and a different sandwich flavor. We had a blast! The entire time, we kept watching people's food come by and trying to guess what they'd ordered.

It was just sort of on my mind today that I really appreciate having a partner that I can have these kinds of experiences with. Not everyone considers food (especially of the spicy international variety) to be as high of a priority as I do, which is understandable. Personally, I'm always going to be glad that I was able to sway Marcus just a little bit. The other day, he was talking about how cool he thought it was that he eats so many things he'd never even have touched a few years ago. He hates seafood, but now when we go to the market, he still tries a tiny bite of everyone's food to see what he thinks. Turns out, he enjoys crab! Who knew?

Now, I'll just have to see if I can turn him on to eggs at some point...

seafood and tiki skirts

Top ~ Deadly Dames Vamp Top in Black
Skirt ~ Jenny Skirt in Tiki
Petticoat ~ Malco Modes (582!)
Shoes ~ BAIT Ida's in Coral

Today was my first time trying out my banging new petticoat. Marcus's dad wanted to go to this seafood brunch at a restaurant near the beach, and he asked everyone to dress up! It's a lot bigger than I'm used to wearing (which is saying something, I guess, because full skirts are pretty standard for me) and I did indeed brush a few people with it on my way to and from our table today at brunch. Also, in the car, it took up my seat + the middle one.

I'll probably try the next-fluffiest down for more everyday outfits, but this was a special occasion so I didn't mind feeling like a cupcake for a few hours. I will say that this petticoat was, being made of chiffon, incredibly comfortable and swishy. It's fun to wear even by itself! 

Now that we're settled, I'm looking forward to getting some more posts written. I've been sort of lax about playing with my camera because I had it packed up for awhile, but I'm thinking it's time to start using it some more. We visit so many exciting places on weekends, and even though I'm very happy to have my phone on me to take the occasional picture, I really should try to get more practice in with my Canon. 

Side note: I can't decide if I want to hem this cute tiki skirt. From some angles, it looks like it's about ankle-length on me (it's not--it comes to maybe mid-calf). In other pictures I've seen, it's supposed to be closer to the knee, so it might be worth trying to make it a little bit more proportionate! Conversely, maybe it's the style and I'll just need to get used to it. Either way, I was very excited to finally get to wear it someplace special! 

irish beach

Non-tropical beaches are vastly underrated.

Granted, when you hear "California beach" and pack all sorts of summery things to wear, it might be a bit of an surprise when you arrive at your destination and discover that your one pair of jeggings (and that jacket you tossed in at the last minute!) is going to pretty much be a necessity all week.

The view makes all of that irrelevant.

Irish Beach is sort of out there in the middle of Northern California. It was a two-day drive from Washington, but the ride there was incredibly pleasant. We had good company! I'll happily talk about that a bit more later, but for now I was just excited to share some of the pictures from the place that reminds me of Briny Beach (any Lemony Snicket fans happen to be passing by?)

I never saw so many weather patterns represented in one spot in so short a time. We took walks around this place on the daily and every single time there was something new to marvel at. It was truly very beautiful.