on adjusting

It's been a few weeks since we moved to Washington, where everyone warned us that we'd hate the weather and have a terrible time adjusting.

You guys, I have to be honest. It wasn't going to get any worse than it was, which is why I had no problem coming here so suddenly. I was depressed in the desert.

That term gets tossed around a lot as a hyperbolization of  less-than-desirable circumstances, but I need it to be very clear that I wasn't just underwhelmed or discontent in Arizona. There was legitimately only so happy I could ever be while I lived there, and for the longest time I thought a general melancholy was just part of my demeanor. It wasn't until I was able to leave for a visit someplace else that Marcus pointed out how drastic--and instantaneous--of a change there was. He said I was like a whole different person, and I'm sure I was. I always tried to take care about voicing it, because to many people I know, it is very much home.

Since moving to Washington, I feel the difference immensely. My ratio of good to bad days has shifted almost all the way around. There's an adjustment, if we're being honest, but it's minimal. I spend all my time outside. Some of my interests are coming back to me! My mind used to race and this thing would happen where my jaw was always set really tensely--now, I catch myself sort of spacing but not really thinking about anything in particular. I think it's because I really get a kick out of staring at all the green around me--I think I'm happy here. That part really does take getting used to. I didn't think I was ever going to leave the desert. It's not the easiest thing in the world to pick up your life and go, especially if there isn't anything waiting for you wherever you're going. We were very fortunate to have Marcus's parents here, and even more so that they were happy to come have us be with them for awhile.

They're tons of fun, by the way. We try so much delicious food here and they love to go to the movies. Thus far, we've been to a farmer's market at least once every week, which excites me because I love the fresh fruit and all the bakeries have a ton of samples.

I don't know if I'll stay here forever, but I no longer feel this urgency like I need to run away or change my situation. As my interests resurface and I approach them with enthusiasm and happiness, I could see things going a few different ways! I know I want to travel again--and soon enough, I'll make it happen. For now, I'm happy to be here.